Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
