i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
