Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
