so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
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afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
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I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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