Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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