I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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