omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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