drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
