my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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