so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
