It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
