overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
