It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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