We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
