Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
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His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
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I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
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