he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
