I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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