i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
