He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
