Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize