I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
