I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
