I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
