I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
