I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
