we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
