So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
