being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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