I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I think your dad took our porno
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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