My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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