Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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