I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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