There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
