Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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