I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
