It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
nutella sex= disaster
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
