Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
