Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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