He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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