i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
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I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
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Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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