I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
