I hate your face
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
