she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
