I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm bleeding and have questions
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
