What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
