you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
