Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
