I'm really into asian looking animals
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
