Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
