they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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