Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
