he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
