he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
