i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
