What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
