I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
