There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
