if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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