I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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