So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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