I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
