I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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