This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
