when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
