You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
