At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
