atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
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It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
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My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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