We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
