So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
All I want is dick and wine.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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