My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
