i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
