I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
