Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
