Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
