Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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