Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
