Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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