Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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