he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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