Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
