I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
